Doxie's Docket

Balance

2009-10-23T04:09:51Z

Yesterday I was in a pretty good mood. I tried to hang on to that because lately I've been super depressed. I tried thinking positive and noting things like, "gosh, I like her purple purse" or smiling because someone was wearing a knitted beanie that looked like a strawberry. Seriously! It was super cute. There were lots of other little things that made me smile or giggle, and I just decided to focus on being chipper and complimenting others and being chipper- I can't even tell you how good it made me feel to just think that positively. I know it's kind of a "duh" thing, but considering how depressed/upset/tired/angry I've been lately, it was really a welcome change. I felt really, really good.

Now, take today for example. I woke up super tired, my group project meeting had been canceled (more on this later), I've been struggling on this paper I have to write for my philosophy class (which is unusual.. I get stuck for a while but usually figure it out on my own) so I had to stay after class and talk to my teacher.. yeah.. just generally cranky.

I think a lot of my problem has been that I haven't been getting enough sleep, but also the stupid on-going drama with my housemate and sister (seriously, she won't apologize for acting like a crazy-face!! She just keeps ranting about how I'm angry and controlling... nice) and school and everything. A lot has built up and I'm just like... AAAHH AAAH AAAAHH!! I want to just scream and throw tantrums or cry or sleep for a week or whatever.

Oh, I've also decided to stop taking my birth control. My boyfriend is perfectly aware, so that's no big deal, and I've made an appointment with my doctor so swap birth control, so I'll be BC hormone free for about a couple weeks. I'm kind of looking forward to just having that crap out of my system. I'm sure I might feel weird for a couple of days or have an early period, but whatever. I just need to get off that stuff. It has been horrible. I can't wait to have a BC that won't give me whacko side effects like migraines and weight gain. BLEH.

Anyway, I've gotten to know one of my classmates pretty well this semester (we've had classes together the last three semesters) and we've finally reached that "we're friends, let's hang out and call each other and yay!" status with one another, so that's nice. I really have needed someone to talk and vent to that I actually see on a regular basis (beside my boyfriend), so it's nice to have a girl friend- took me long enough! I have one semester until I graduate and I'm just now making friends. d'oh. >.<

Well.. I haven't done any work today, but I guess I'm kind of okay with that. I'm going to veg out some and just chillax. So moody and tired and stressed. Not cool. My midterms are all next week and I'd like at least one or two days to just "be".

Okay folks, have a nice night! :)

And the drama continues...

2009-10-11T07:15:08Z

Haven't updated in a while... Not a whole lot going on other than basic frustration with my housemate and on-going drama with my sister.

My housemate has been even worse than usual lately. Not only has the usual ridiculousness gone on about cleanliness, chores and complete social awkwardness, my housemate has been starting to throw random tantrums.

Yesterday I came home and was feeling sleepy and not so great, so I went to take a nap. I was woken up by my housemate cussing and flipping out about something. I was really tempted to get up and ask what the hell was going on, but my heart rate just goes through the roof when I hear angry voices and I really didn't want to get involved. I found out later from my boyfriend that my housemate was throwing a shit-fit because his whole set of music equipment wouldn't fit in my boyfriend's car. See, my boyfriend was being a nice guy and offered to help our housemate move his cabinets, amp and everything to his new band space, and apparently our housemate was freaking out because he couldn't fit all his gear in the car and he only wanted to do one trip. My boyfriend was annoyed because of the tantrum, but also our housemate had taken ALL DAY to get his act together when my boyfriend made it clear he needed to be somewhere at a specific time. Also, our housemate knew I was sleeping so he shouldn't have been shouting in the first place, and there was no reason for him to be flipping out anyway since my boyfriend said he'd help him take the rest of his stuff later.

Last week my housemate threw a tantrum, too. He was watching a football and started FREAKING OUT because his team was losing. It wasn't just a, "dammit, win!" type of situation; my housemate was really taking it personally. The vibe in the air was so negative and over the top. He became angrier and angrier, shouting, yelling, cussing and saying weird shit like "I want to destroy something beautiful" and "Here's just one more reason for my weekend to be completely ruined." WTF? I became so uncomfortable that I left to take a walk around the neighborhood because I couldn't deal with his mood. While I was out on my walk my boyfriend texted me to stay out as long as I could because our housemate was so shouting so loudly that my boyfriend was pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear.

On top of all the other garbage we have to put up with, this whole tantrum thing is NOT something I can put up with. I don't know what his problem is, but it is really troubling. Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it, but it's not normal for someone to be freaking out about those sorts of things. My boyfriend thinks our housemate has a huge anger-management problem, and I think he might be right. He has rage issues. He seriously has a lot to work out and I'm not sure I want to be living with someone who's acting like a ticking time-bomb.

I'm thinking that we should finally write an email or something to our housemate's mom (since I have her email address somewhere buried in my in-box) and letting her know what's going on. I'm not sure how well that's going to go, but I know that if we confront our housemate, things will get ugly. Actually, I think it'll get ugly no matter what. It's just difficult to live with him and I think that either his parents let him act that way, or they have no idea how their son behaves because he puts on a facade when he's around them. Either way, I don't want to deal with it and they need to put that kid in therapy.

Anyway, I'm tired of focusing on all this negativity. I think I'll start a draft of that email and then show it to my boyfriend later for editing. Hopefully we can get this resolved, but after speaking with a friend of ours, we're thinking it's time to vote our housemate off that island. I'm tired of dealing with his stupid bullshit.

Oh yeah... and I might be catching a cold, but I stayed in tonight and took some alkaselzer cold medicine to try and stave it off. I'm going to sleep in again tomorrow and hope that I start getting better. It doesn't help that I'm stressed from school (I haven't done ANY homework and I have a test, quiz and paper due next week- argh!), my sister issue, and heightened housemate drama. Blah.

I'm soooo glad I have Monday off from work!!

I'm aiming for my next post to be more positive. I don't need my journal to be all pissy and aggro! LOL.

Happy 21st, Boyfriend!

2009-09-23T19:31:22Z

Yep, it's my boyfriend's 21st birthday today. I bought him some awesome kitchen stuff and a bottle of whiskey to get his party started. He's actually going to go out tonight with a bunch of guys and I'll stay home... because I have homework and class tomorrow. >.< I'm kind of bummed I won't be going out with him, but I know that after a few hours I'll get tired of all the guys doing stupid guy things and I'll want to go home and end up being a party-pooper.

That being said, I feel like a cradle robber even though I've barely two years older. Whatevs. Now he and I can go ANYWHERE whenever we want and there's no age issue anymore. woohoo!

In other news... I'm just tired (what else is new?) and trying to get my shit done.

OH! I finally talked to an adviser on campus and it turns out I only need 5 units to graduate- OMG! That means I need to take 2 Comm classes and then I'll flesh out my full-time status with whatever class I want. AWESOME SAUCE. I'll probably go in again and have another adviser go over my docs just to be SURE... it'll suck if I get to the end of the semester to find out I was ill-advised. Gah!

My next decision will be whether to go to grad school or not... the deadlines are closing in, and I'm not sure if I want to go for it or not. I think I'm smart enough and everything, but it would be nice to work full time and build up some cash reserves before I jump back into it.

Decisions, decisions!

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!

2009-09-19T18:29:58Z

YARR!! It be a glorious day for celebratin' as all the worthy sea rats are bein' honored t'day with a holiday of our very own!

I have a bottle of rum awaitin' and my pirate shirt will be out of the dryer shortly. 'Twill be a grand and glorious weekend, says I.

Walking Dead?

2009-09-16T21:57:36Z

Apparently I'm turning into a zombie. I haven't slept enough lately (I would say definitely since school started) so I'm beginning to get paler (is that possible?), perpetually tired and fatter. Yes, fatter. Very uncomfortable for me, but I'm trying to budget what with my boyfriend being out of a job and I seem to have no time to do anything until the weekend. Instead of relaxing for a couple of days, I'm cramming in all my schoolwork before Monday. UGH. I was hoping that my late morning classes would allow me the opportunity to work out before class, but I've been using that time to catch up on sleep- and trust me, it's not really working. >.<;

That being said, I've recently been forgetting little things such as how to keep busy at work, or where I put my keys, or forgetting to do homework the proper way. I had a professor email me today saying that our reading guides had to be typed- she had written it on the syllabus, on our online course guide and in class! What the hell? How had a missed that?! I'm usually really good about following instructions, but that's the second assignment this semester that I've completed incorrectly. *sighs* I've been putting more effort into this semester than I ever have before and it's literally exhausting me - is it worth it? I hope so!

I have to get back to work (yeah, I know.. I'm being terrible updating at work), but my brain is so fried that if I get stuck on one thing (like thinking about my forgetfulness) that if I don't get it off my mind, I end up screwing up other stuff.

alsdflkasjflkaslfjskldflasl;faskldf.

Okay, that's all for now.

Ladies' Weekend

2009-09-13T03:38:27Z

Since I've moved to my current city I really haven't made that many friends. I know a handful of people that I am more familiar with than others and a few I make a point to chat with on occasion, but I don't really hang out with those people outside of school. Sometimes I get lonely and worried that I don't go out as much as others my age, but I've already been working pretty hard this semester so I haven't really had time to go out or do much outside of school and some basic relax time at home.

That being said, my buddy and her friend came up this weekend to hang out before her UC started. We were celebrating the end of summer, her friend quitting her shitting job and moving to Arizona to go to school, and my friend and my "friend-a-versary". My friend and I have known each other for a decade now, and we think that's pretty neat.

It was a craaaaazy awkward night. We started late and first thing we accidentally crashed a private party at a downtown club. The host happened to be arriving when we did, so he let us in. It was a bit creepy because he was older and most of his guests knew each other. We ordered margaritas but then left after feeling awkward too long and this guy named Brad kept trying to hit on Carissa without actually having proper conversation... Ummm??

So we cruised around for forever trying to find dance clubs... we ended up wandering all over downtown and not finding anything and getting heckled the entire time. Seriously, why do black guys/latinos catcall by saying, "hey white girl". If we said, "Hey black dude" or "hi Mexican man" they would be offended. I find this rather confusing and hypocritical.

Anyway, so we finally found a bar that was pretty nice in terms of set up, but we happened to show up on a night they were playing ONLY music of a specific band that my friend's friend totally hated. We were tired, our feet bleeding, bruised and blistered and we did NOT want to keep looking around. A very nice man ended up chatting with us for a bit until the bar shut down, so that was nice. Then we wandered around trying to find a cab and, of course, getting heckled. Some dude in a car actually rolled down his window and shouted, "Hey baby, I can make you cum!!" WTF. Who says that?! That's so freaking awkward and wrong. I just hate how guys think they can harass women that way. Ugh. I'd go on a feminist rant, but I'm kind of tired today so I don't feel like it. Needless to say, I think it's total bullshit. The night was a bit of a fail since we never made it to a dance club. We just "wanted to dance" but alas. Apparently every good bar in my town is out of the way of any easily accessible public transit. BAH!

This morning we went out to breakfast at a little hole-in-the-wall that my boyfriend and I go to (when we go out for breakfast), got a delicious-yet-cheap breakfast, went to a museum with a sweet planetarium, ate terrific (and again, cheap!) Indian food, got lost for a while and finally made it home. We walked a LOT today as well, and my feet hate me right now. They are freaking battered.

I should really do homework but I feel pretty wiped out, especially since I came home and did dishes and tidied up the bathroom. Meh. Maybe I'll just watch some T.V. or play video games or whatever.

The point of all this was that it was really nice to have ladies around. I love my boyfriend, but I live with him and another guy, so I'm constantly surrounded by testosterone. It's SO nice to be able to talk about girly things and chat in an uninhibited manner. The girls were awesome and, despite having a bit of failure of a night out, I still had fun. We're going to go out again during the holidays and have more girly time and actually find a dance club, hahaha.

Well, I'm pooped.. I'm going to go veg. My boyfriend bought cookies and a fire log, so it's cozy time! XD

Sibling Rivalry?

2009-09-07T09:34:31Z

I had a crazy weekend. There was a big, awesome dinner planned that was ruined when one of my sibs had a little silent treatment/hissy fit at the dinner table. My Dad was then bitten by his girlfriend's doberman and had to be bandaged up before he drove home. That night was okay considering my boyfriend and I had a bed, but it was hot, the bed was waaay too hard (and itchy!) and we barely slept at all.

The next morning we got up and got ready to go out. Chatted with my neighbor who's house we had spent the night, and then went out to meet some friends for lunch since my sister wasn't dressed or ready to go anywhere. Long story short, my sister flipped out (crazy bitch status) at me and we had a huge screaming match. Finally I was able to calmly speak with her, but then I was basically blamed for my sister's complete lack of initiative. I'm not as mad as my youngest sibling as my "middle" one, but I'm still really frustrated.

It really hurts knowing how hard I tried to make sure both of them were always okay and trying to set an example and be there for them when they needed me... To have them act like little spoiled brats, and to have a sibling allude to the fact that I am some how the root of their failure is just really overwhelming. Everything I have, I've earned because I've worked my ass off. Sure, I've made HUGE mistakes and stumbled along the way, but I never gave up. I figured out a way to keep myself steady until something better came along. One sibling has her head completely in the clouds and the other can't "fail" because she's too afraid to even try, which I suppose is just as bad.

I was shocked and surprised at how dramatic my one sibling was being. Screaming expletives at me out the window (so the entire neighborhood could hear), flaunting a supposed "injury" so we would be sympathetic to her, and sobbing and wailing about how I "don't know how grateful" she is. Talk about a line from a cheesy movie- she needs to lay off the comics a little bit!!

On the one hand, I feel like I'm being harsh and too hard on my siblings, but on the other I am so confused at how I was treated- it's a bit of a "last straw" for me. I've always been the one trying to hold things together, and now I'm being taken advantage of. I didn't drive for an hour and half so my sister could scream at me and tell me to fuck off. I know there were communication problems- there ALWAYS is... my family doesn't freaking know how to talk to each other!!- but that wasn't enough cause for the reaction that I received. It's like my sister is so used to me putting up with her shit that she just expects me to take it and be all nice and caring and whatever, but fuck that! I am sick and tired of being guilt-tripped into doing things I don't want to, expected to buy gifts for them during holidays, having to deal with resentment over the fact that I have a boyfriend and being the fucking gatekeeper for my communication-challenged family.

I talked with Dad about all of this- how I was frustrated because both my sisters were spoiled brats in different ways- and how I thought that maybe he should set up some structure and guidelines to be followed. When I lived in his house I had a curfew, had to tell him where I was and who I was with, I always had to get good grades, and when I turned 18 was charged "rent" so I decided to move out! I mean, he's let my siblings run amok. One is always away, leaves her shit everywhere and throws a tantrum when anyone tells her to do anything. She's now sexually active and her solution is spermicide. Wow. Way to a) Not get checked out b) Not use condoms- they're the best protection if you're not on the pill c) Not bother to get on the pill or make a doctor's appointment and d) Endanger herself because she's having (basically) unprotected sex with the first person she's slept with. She is asking for a disease/unexpected pregnancy. Jeezus christ, I thought she was smarter than that.

The other sibling stays at home ALL DAY, acts like her job (of 7-10 hours per week) and school (I know she doesn't have good study habits and failed basic English Composition TWICE) are so damn difficult (she does NOT get straight A's for as much as she whines), and tries to control everything around her because anything that makes her SLIGHTLY uncomfortable will cause her to get all bent out of shape. She expects everything to go a certain way, and when it doesn't, she gets all sorts of mad/upset/uncomfortable and then tells you after the fact/after she blows up at you why she was so mad. She's done this repeatedly and then wonders why I get so upset that she keeps acting that way. I shouldn't have to ask for a set list of conditions in order to spend time with my sister, but obviously that's what I have to do because she has a fucking meltdown. Anything that she doesn't like she bitches about how she "didn't ask for it" and is basically ungrateful for anything she is given because it's not what SHE wanted. I feel that she has to control everything because she's so socially retarded that she has no capability to "go with the flow" because it's not a situation that SHE planned. Life does NOT work that way, and she better learn to deal with it because she's going to have a meltdown at a job or something one day and get fired for flipping out at someone.

Again, I feel like I'm totally being mean. I can give a whole set of reasons for both of my siblings for why they act they way they do, but their behavior is something that I've pointed out multiple times to both of them, but for some reason it has to be MY fault that they're not magically changed. It's not my fucking job to hold their hands every time they do something. I can only tell them the how, what and why to do something that I know they need to do, but THEY are responsible for the when and where. They are so used to everything being handled/handed to them that they don't know how to doing anything by themselves. It's freaking ridiculous. I pointed out to my stays-at-home-sibling that she's already failed because she freaking trips before she even gets to the thresh hold, then she sobbed all dramatically that I wanted to "push her out the door and watch [her] fail", like it's my fucking job to make sure she doesn't fuck it up. Give me a break. I've acted like her mom for so long that she's come to expect me to fucking baby her in any situation, but I'm fucking done with it. It is NOT my fault that she can't get her ass up to do the things she should be doing to prepare for an adult life.

My own dad says that I seem to have "more than a sisterly interest" in what happens to my siblings. I'm still thinking like a mother toward them, but I'm tired of it. I suppose it's partially my own fault, but it hurts me to think they could get hurt or in trouble or not succeed, but again, I shouldn't have to worry about it. It's not my responsibility. They're both adults but they both have their heads shoved so far up their own asses that they absolutely refuse to believe that the things are holding them back are they're OWN fault and that no one is going to swoop in and save the day. I've always been the one to swoop in and save the day- I even tried it this time by talking to Dad about it.... it's not my problem and I don't have to deal with it. Dad basically said he wants to move in with his girlfriend and rent out our family home. He'll help one sibling because she's in school, but the youngest will be on her own because she's decided that it would be a good idea and quit school to work full time, even though she waited all summer to find something and just NOW started working. It makes me afraid for my siblings, but I really have to remove myself from their problems. If they get in SO much trouble that they're on the street or something, I'll help them out, but they have to deal with the consequences that stem from the decisions they've made.

They don't appreciate anything they have (even though they claim they do), they don't have any significant financial obligations or responsibilities at home- they have no idea what it takes for my boyfriend and I to visit and feed them dinner, but all I get in response is attitude and blame.

Anyway... I'm just getting myself worked up again... I actually had a nice afternoon/evening today. I was depressed and upset for most of the day, but then we had some friends hang out- we had home-made sushi, had some drinks and such and then went over to our friend's house to hang out in the hot tub. I was super relaxed when I left, but of course, I have to ruin it by getting upset again. I'm just trying to work all my feelings out so I don't stuff them down or ignore them- just trying to get them alll out so I can deal with it properly.

It's super late, so I'm heading to bed. I never stay up this late- but I just wanted to write for a bit. Ciao for now!

School's (Almost) In!

2009-08-20T03:04:16Z

Bought my books yesterday, woo woo! Now, I'm not always for hawking products or services, but <url=http://www.chegg.com> is le awesome. I'm not always so great at returning things, borrowed from friends, the library or, well, whatever. I just never get around to it, even though it's not that big of a deal.

ANYWAY, Chegg is awesome because they "rent" you a book for a severely reduced priced (usually half), ships it to you and then you print the prepaid label from their website when you're ready to return it, stick it back in their pouch et voila!, no problem. The book goes back and you don't have to worry about it. Perfect for folks like me... even though I totally returned mine (from last semester) in completely late. lol.

Anyway, I've ordered all my books and only have one "reader" to wait for (it's being printed), and total I'll have spent only about $110-$120 after about 6 books! That averages to about $20 a book. Sweeet.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited to be going back to school. I don't like sitting around all summer being idle. I really like learning and tend to slack off when I'm not on a set schedule. I've even gained weight over the summer. wtf. People are usually losing weight to work on their "swimsuit bodies". ARGH. Oh well, it's my own fault.

This semester I plan to work out during school mornings (my classes don't begin until 11am) and take yoga at the beginning of the week. Oh, funny story about yoga. I crashed the class and asked the professor that I wanted to crash. She looked puzzlingly at me and said she'd not heard of that term before and "which school did you get that from?" "um, all of the previous ones that I've been to?" Then I explained to her what I meant "oh, you mean adding. Here we call it 'adding'." (Um.. yes. I know that. "Crashing" a course is showing up without being able to register and trying to add the class.)

Then, I asked if she was adding, and she told me I should have been there at 2pm when the class started, not the end of it. I told her I wanted to add the 4pm class when GRABBED MY FACE, laughed, and told me that she wasn't the professor for the 4pm. I was embarrassed, surprised (due to face grabbage) and felt stupid because I knew it was a different professor, but I forgot.

In other news, it feels as if we were moving in again. My former housemate finally came and took back a bunch of his stuff, so we had to go and get a new kitchen rack, dishes;etc. We still need to get a dining room table, but that's going to have to wait until we get some cash. My boyfriend is still looking for work and I'm still in debt, but I'll be able to pay some stuff off when I get my student loan. woo woo.

I think that's it for now. More later!

polish_pirate @ 2009-08-17T22:08:00

2009-08-18T05:18:13Z

Ah... haven't updated in a while and don't really feel like doing a full update tonight so I'll just do bullet points to remind me of what to write about later.

-Hometown errands
-School
-Replacement stuffs
-Fair
-Picnic
-Ikea
-Yoga instructor

Anyway... more tomorrow. I have to get up early to crash a course.

Ciao!

Shopaholics Anon?

2009-08-05T02:39:41Z

Heeeeey.

So, I worked full time during the summer and earned a huge paycheck. I smogged my dad's car, went grocery shopping, bought cleaning supplies and other necessities for the house and so on. Then what did I do?

HUGE SHOPPING SPREE.

Yeah, I pretty much went nuts. I never get to shop for myself. Other than a couple of school sweaters, I haven't actually gone "shopping" in a few years. I mean, yeah, every once in a while a girl's gotta snag a bra or whatever, but never just shopping, shopping, shopping.

Seriously. I shopped until I was tired of shopping. As in, I didn't want to shop anymore. Oh jeezus.

I feel slightly guilty for blowing tons of money, but on the other hand, I actually have some CLOTHES and ACCESSORIES, and and makeup. OH MY GOD. I think I've become a girl! *gasp!*

Anyway, it was pretty fun. School starts in a couple of weeks and I'll have some fun looks to try out. *squee*

Chillin' on a Wednesday afternoon

2009-07-30T02:21:30Z

I had convinced myself that I was going to go for a walk/jog/run today, but it just never happened. Seems like when I don't have anything that I have to do, I just don't do anything. Then again, school starts in a few weeks, so I should be grateful for the time that I have to just sit around. Also, it's not like I'm not doing anything at all... I do chores like laundry, cleaning, dishes, watering plants;etc.

When my boyfriend gets home he's going to be so excited about how spic-and-span everything is. ha.

When I think about it, I did work pretty hard for 3 weeks. I even took work home (did the other day, too!), so I should really cut myself some slack.

Speaking of work, I like my coworker a lot. She's really sweet and everything, but I get so frustrated sometimes. I don't want to be self-absorbed or my own cheerleader, but I really don't think she has the same work ethic that I do. When I was working full-time, I made sure EVERYTHING was done in an orderly fashion. I tried/try to go above and beyond because, even though my job's not spectacular, I still want to work to the best of my ability.

That being said, I had left a few things on Friday for my coworker to get to, if she had time, on Monday. When I showed up on Tuesday, those things were still there and none of the filing had been done. I couldn't help but wonder what she had actually done all day. I just couldn't believe that she hadn't managed to do any of those tasks.

I wonder if she'll be upset with me... I sent her a little email nudging her not to do something that I had seen done by her that we're not supposed to do. It was a basic formatting thing, but our boss had given us two memos on that in the past; you'd think she'd have figured it out by now. Not only that, but when she makes mistakes, we both get flak for it. My boss doesn't like to point fingers, so he addresses the two of us when he writes memos. Very annoying. I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I've caught mistakes that I've made, too, but I'm pretty sure I make fewer errors than my counter part. *sighs*

As a side note, I find it odd sometimes how much advice I impart to others. I'm no genius or anything, but I tend to be able to read people fairly well and give a sound comment or two on their situations. These days, though, when someone has drama or some deep emotional upset, I don't really get involved on a personal level. In the past, when someone came to me for help, I made their problem my problem and I would stress myself out. These days, I try to listen impartially to what's going on and try to find the crux of the matter. Sometimes people just want you to listen, and sometimes people want answers. The trick is knowing which.

ha... Here I end the monk-like musings...

Wow. I sound really full of myself tonight. I think it just appears that way because I meant to write about my coworker frustration last night, so that combined with me being pleased (and pleasantly surprised) about helping out friends, it makes me sound like a have a huge ego. I swear I don't!!

Right now I'm just snacking on dinner. I lit some incense and candles (because those are my comfy cozies) and made some hot chocolate to warm me up as I wind down for the day. Work tomorrow. For now, Battlestar awaits!

Muscle Aches!

2009-07-29T02:27:15Z

Oh man, my arms and calves have ached today, but I really don't mind.

Rode around the city yesterday.. good god, what a moron I am for not keeping track of where I was. I ended up biking for about 2 hours, and let me tell you, some of the hills in this town are nucking futz. I finally started feeling my legs about to give out, so I walked up a hill or two, then got back on and kept going. The buurrrrn. It hurts so good.

Also, I'm feeling pretty accomplished because I had this list of stuff to do yesterday, and I pretty much knocked off everything on it. BOO YAH! Isn't that the best part about lists? The lovely feeling of crossing things off. aaaahhhhhhh.. :)

Right. So it's flippin' cold right now. (Summer my ASS.) I'm gonna make some easy-to-do chow, because I'm a bum and don't feel like cooking, and I just need something toasty in my tummy right now.

BTW, guess who forgot to wear deodorant to work today? MEEEEEEEEEE. Fail.

Time for some tea!!!

So ronery...

2009-07-26T04:29:07Z

That wasn't P.C., but I never promised I would be. (ooh, rhyme!) Anywho, not much to report here. My boyfriend left for a camping trip and my housemate is out of the country until later next month, so here I am, bored and lonely. I have sat on my duff all day and researched makeup tips/products and debating people on the interwebs.

GOD, I am pathetic.

It's hard, too, considering I am lacking in the monetary department, so I guess that means I'll have to go for a bike ride and stick to doing house chores.

Blaaaah.

Okay, enough with the self-pity. My bike rides are going to be AWESOME and the house will be SPARKLING.

School?

2009-07-22T19:30:59Z

I'm frustrated about budget cuts. Once again, my university has upped tuition. (We're at a 30% increase since May...) At this rate, I'll barely be able to afford books. And they wonder why we order out instead of purchasing from the bookstore? Why would I pay $100 for a book when I could rent it for half that (or less) or purchase it elsewhere for a better price?

I've had folks tell me to stop complaining unless I have a solution, but the folks in office should have learned by previous errors by now. Whenever we have a budget crisis, one of the first things to go is education. Umm... how will we be able to work out future crises if the folks that have the potential to do so can't afford to continue studying? Then again, if the masses are ignorant they are SO much easier to control. Ugh.

The cuts just make me scared for next semester. My co-worker and I had a horrible time trying to mesh our schedules, so I can't imagine what would happen if any of my classes were dropped. They've postponed registration about 3 times now, which means that the students will only have 2-3 weeks (or less, depending on registration times) to figure everything out. How does the university expect people to graduate if there aren't classes available?

Griping isn't doing me any good, but I don't know what else to do either. I suppose I'll just have to ride with the tides.

Rude Dude

2009-07-21T01:40:43Z

Why is it so impossible for some men to look at your face when they speak to you? It's really not that difficult.

We have a summer intern at the office and he cannot manage to maintain eye contact while speaking to me. I swear, every other word his gaze drifts down and frantically flickers upwards again. It's almost as if he knows he's doing it and trying very hard not to, but he's failing miserably. NOT COOL

I've had some guy friends tell me to take it as a compliment since I clearly have an amazing chest, but no, I'd rather not. This guy is in law school training to be an attorney, he should know better than to stare at females that way. What's he going to do in Court? Lose track of a hearing or settlement conference because he's too busy staring at opposing counsel's tits? WHAT THE HELL?!

He's only slightly older than myself, which leads me to the conclusion that he is an awkward nerd that has never had a girlfriend, or perhaps has forgotten what females look like because he's been buried in legal texts for so long.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm even ranting about this. I shouldn't have to worry about being gawked at while in the office. I have to wear professional attire. It's not like I'm wearing shirts with deep v-neck cuts or something.

In conclusion, next time I have a chat with him and he does that, I'm going to pointedly (yet politely) drop the hint that I don't appreciate him appreciating my assets.

Blah.

HPB Review

2009-07-17T05:04:56Z

Saw the new Harry Potter! Overall, I liked it. The humor was (mostly) rather well done, but there was a portion mid-movie that I found questionable and I thought the ending came up short. Otherwise, I was giggling pretty much nonstop and Horace Slughorn was amazing.

Was it just me, or was HPB way too heavy on the teen romance bullshit? What was with the shenanigans with Ginny and Harry in the Room of Requirement? It seems a bit odd to be so heavy-handed with that aspect of the book when they left it open at the end. I would have liked it if they had cut back a bit on the love drama to make room for, what I think, are more important scenes.

I could deal with the love scene, but why the hell did the director add that random scene during Christmas- the burning of the Burrow? (By the way, when the DVD comes out, I bet that's what they'll name that section.. haha..) I think it was pretty clear from the beginning that there is evil afoot. There was nothing to add by having Bellatrix LeStrange and Fenrir Greyback burn down the Weasleys' house, especially considering it didn't come into play later. Tonks was in the movie for all of 30 seconds and seemed to be an excuse for Botham Carter's character to cackle a little more. I mean, why waste the few minutes that scene had when it seemed so disjointed with the rest of the movie?

Secumseptra- okay, what the hell? Harry was found in a bathroom with Draco bleeding all over the place and he just runs off? Um... detention? Expulsion? They let that one go completely.

Oh, and the end scene was totally bogus. The death of Dumbledore is supposed to be a pivotal point in the series- questions unanswered, extreme loss, fear and guilt... how did that scene in the film end up being so weak? For one, there is no way that Harry would have hung around of his own volition and not fired off some shots when the Death Eaters showed up. He wouldn't have trusted Snape, and he certainly wouldn't have just stood there while Draco hinted at his mission. That was completely out of character. They should have spent more time on the tower building up tension, and they should have had the full-out battle scene.

If there was no battle, why the hell would all the students be out of bed and out-of-doors?

And WHY did they skip the funeral? The hurt and loss and confusion would have really ratcheted up the emotions and put more significance on Dumbledore's death. The funeral would have been a better segue to Harry's decision and the three deciding what to do the next year. Why was Ron just hanging out in the back while Harry and Hermione talked about it? They both gave Harry a what-for and spelled out their determination to stay with him until the end.

I don't know.. that ending just left me wanting more. It seemed so abrupt and detached compared to the rest of the film. There was all this wasted time with teen drama and shenanigans, and then BAM! Dumbledore's dead. End of film. Whaaa? They could have done SO much more with the last 15 mins or so, but instead, they just cut whatever losses and probably started working on the next film... blaaah.

Completely random buuuut: Ron's buffness if really distracting. Why is he so bulky? He's supposed to be tall and lanky.

Is it just me, or is Ginny really mannish and somewhat awkward? I just feel like all of her scenes in this film were really forced. I wasn't really feeling it.

Anyway, enough of my kvetching.

By the way... how beautiful was the Felix scene? Excellent.

Definitely good enough to watch again, but I probably won't fork out the huge theater prices to see it a second time. I've never really liked the Harry Potter films as much as others, but there's just so much going on in the books that is hard to capture in cinema, so I tend to like the novels better. Alas. Still, if you're a fan. Go see it.

DO IIIIITTTTTTTT! ;)

SHIT

2009-07-15T02:49:16Z

Um... pretty sure my toaster oven just caught on fire and I had to douse it with several, several handfuls of flour. (If you ever have an electrical/grease fire, do NOT use water!)

I don't think the mighty toaster oven will be recovering from this.

It was my own damn fault and now I have to buy a new one.

ARRRRGGGHH.

P.S. Seeing only flames through a flimsy glass door and having them shoot out as soon as you open it is scary/interesting at the same time. I wouldn't advise this as a common practice.

>.<;;;;

HARRY POTTER!!!

2009-07-14T19:55:49Z

Obviously, I am REALLY excited. I secured tickets to the midnight showing (opening night) for Half-Blood Prince. I am SO glad I bought them the first week of July since everything is now SOLD OUT.

I decided to reread HBP since I've only read it once (I know, shaaaaame), and I've managed to power through it in only a few days (hey! I've been working full-time or I'd have finished it sooner!) so I'll be up to speed. (Read: be able to properly rant with everyone else about what Warner Bros. left out. )

Needless to say, I'll be wearing my "Harry" shirt that I snagged from a sib as well as my hand-made Gryffindorish-looking scarf.

*SQUEE*

Craptastic

2009-07-12T02:53:40Z

Two things:

1.) My boyfriend lost his job. I never thought I'd be a "victim" of the economy. It's a bit bizarre. I haven't really told any of my friends. I came home from work on Wednesday to find my boyfriend already there, asked him how his day was, and he replied "I was laid off".
I'm trying not to think about too much, because I get emotional, so I'm trying to just take it in stride.

My boyfriend's been pretty optimistic about finding a new job, but I know that when I left school for a year to work full time, it took me a couple of months to find something. I'm really worried that it will take at least that long for him to find a new position, in which case, it's going to be really tight in terms of rent. I can take care of my end, since I'm getting some help from my dad, but I can't help my boyfriend. Luckily, I'm working extra this summer, so my paychecks are going to be HUGE (I'm also supposed to get a bonus for all my hard work as well, so that's good), so I can take care of most things for a little while.

I was really freaked out at first, and I still am. He's started to get a little worried, though, since he hasn't had any responses yet, but he's just started avidly looking (and it's the weekend) so he can't expect to have found something so quickly. Still, it's scary and I hope he finds something really soon. I do think, though, that it's a bit unrealistic to expect to find something within a week. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed, regardless.
I think I was more upset about it than he was on that first day. I was depressed and scared and in a bit of a mood the next day at work. We immediately went grocery shopping to get a bunch of cheaper items like lentils, noodles;etc because they last longer and I don't get paid until next week. Ugh.. I'm ranting now.. end the cut.

We're a little scared, surprised and nervous. He had a good gig and they had assured him until the end that he was safe. Apparently the company lost a lot of business around the holiday weekend and they let go his entire team, except for a Senior Engineer that they had hired a month prior. Figures. *sighs*

2.) I started this journal as a means to meet more nerdy people and LOW AND BEHOLD, that's not really working. I *did* just start the journal, so I shouldn't be upset. On the other hand, I've just been posting life stories and rants, nothing nerdy. Oops?

BABIES EVERYWHERE!

2009-07-10T06:14:06Z

Sorry, kudos if you know that reference. ha.

Anyway, my coworker brought her 3-week old baby in today. So cute. I was super nervous though (like I usually get when holding other people's babies) when she let me hold him I SWEAT LIKE CRAZY. I mean, seriously. I probably looked like a freak, standing there with a baby, getting red and sweat beading on my forehead. So attractive. They were probably thinking, "uh......"

Oh well.

The point I really do want to make is how something so "common" such as giving birth still evokes in us such strong feelings. How many babies have we seen before? Yet, when it belongs to someone we know and see regularly, our hearts melt and we think fondly of our own experiences with kids or future expectations.

I'm not a breeder, shut up.

.... I still want kids, though. XD

Independence Day Weekend!

2009-07-06T01:35:01Z

Basically, the 4th of July weekend included a lot of driving, hot weather (we drove out to the countryside), lots of alcohol and severe indulgence in the form of fruity iced coffee drinks and nacho cheese. It was, for the most part, really fun.

Friday my boyfriend and I drove up north to the countryside to spend the holiday at his grandfather's ranch and cabin. It was really nice to get out of the city for a while. I like where I live and everything, but it can get a bit dreary when your skyline is perpetually blocked by granite and steel. I'd like to say that I'm a bit more of a suburban girl; I like being able to have open space around me yet still have the option to go somewhere else for entertainment. That being said, the last time I was home I was perpetually bored because there's not much to do unless you enjoy hiking or hanging out at the beach. (I do enjoy those things, but not everyone else is an outdoorsy-type.) My Dad really enjoys my hometown, but then he's always out on the water, cycling, or planning a trip somewhere else so he's a bit biased. I like being able to do a plethora of activities on any given day (even if I don't do them) so being back home can lack the same kind of stimulation unless I go for a very specific purpose.

Driving through some of the older towns was funny. We stopped at a Wendy's (I know, the horror!) because we figured we were on vacation and we could eat something horrible and I swear we felt the collective IQ level drop significantly when we entered the place. Perhaps it was the town we were in, or the fact that it was Wendy's, but I felt like I was surrounded by morons. We finished eating and I wanted to bolt as quickly as possible. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he had felt the same way as I had. He revved the engine and shouted, "HURRY! Before we catch teh stupid!!!" Yes.. t-e-h on purpose.

That being said, it was nice being out in the open range, except that it was FLIPPING HOT. Oh my god, so hot. It was actually hotter when we visited around the same time last year, but I still get so exhausted. The heat just drains. It was particularly bad yesterday because my boyfriend and I were manning the barbecue, so we were in front of a hot grill and I was running back and forth with platters full of hot meat. Ugh.

The barbecue and party were fun, but it was extremely tiring and I ended up spending a good amount of time napping indoors (in the shade and central cooling system!) after the meal was over.

I ended my last night at the cabin by making the mistake of arguing with my boyfriend's mother. She is RIDICULOUS. Now I know why my boyfriend gets so frustrated when he talks with her. She paints a situation one way and then when you try and understand where she's coming from, she says she didn't say something that she DID say a minute prior then claims that you weren't listening, then she tries to pin it on the "age and experience" difference, which is completely bogus. She contradicts herself repeatedly and then when you ask questions she avoids answering and then chalks up your confusion to ignorance. It was one of the most frustrating conversations/arguments/debates that I've ever had. It's completely impossible to rationalize with someone who's viewpoint doesn't coincide with reality and tries to play the victim. UGH!!! Next time we disagree on something and she asks me why, I'll just say I have my reasons and that I don't want to get into it. Blah.

On the way back home we stopped at one of the many fruit stands and bought some local produce and frozen pies. OMG, these pies are so amazing. I can't wait until we actually eat one. MMM. We bought a boysenberry and a Strawberry Rhubarb. MMMMM.

Oh, and two of the best things ever (besides the pies):

1.) We were stuck on a one-lane road for a good amount of time and the vehicle we were stuck behind was an absolute GEM. It was a huge champagne-brown colored truck with Oakland Raiders decals ALL over it. I mean the truck flap, back windows.. everything. They even had one of those stupid "support" ribbons, but it was a "support the troops, killers nation" ribbon. WOW. When we finally passed it we found that the driver was an over-weight white-haired hulk look-alike. GOLD, I tell you.

2.) We passed a "Gentleman's Club" that was located next to a motel offering rooms for $49.99 a night. I could not make that up. It was beautiful. It is so fun to drive through the hicklands, sometimes. What's not to like? Pies, cowboys, fruit stands, open ranges, and lodgings conveniently located next to a venue of carnal delicacies. AWESOME. (I swear I'm not judgmental... >.>)

All in all, it was nice to be in an open place, the sun shining and live band playing (Rich's grandparents are musicians) and then relaxing in the evening sitting in a chair in the grass facing a random meadow. Super nice.

Tomorrow, I hit the grind (working full-time for 3 weeks since I'm covering for a co-worker) and then over half my summer will be gone. I'll have to make time tomorrow night to replant some houseplants and get a new spider plant in the soil. :)

Excitement

2009-06-29T22:26:17Z

Yesterday I went to the beach... I didn't get in the water (which I usually do) because we arrived later in the day when the fog had started rolling in and we had only brought one large towel to share (mistake!), sooo.. I decided to not get wet.

Anyway, my boyfriend, his friend and I met up with a friend of mine, and we broached the subject of being geeky and WOW. I started telling my friend about my discovery of Steampunk and I verbally steamrolled (no pun intended) him into the sand. I was so excited that my speed of speech went out the door and I was gesticulating wildly and the whole bit. I'm sure it didn't help that I had just ingested a beer (I'm a bit of a light weight), but my boyfriend had to physically grab my shoulder and tell me to slow down so that everyone could understand me.

See, my friends are geeks but they're usually geeks in different ways. That friend is an English/music geek, but that obviously did not coincide with my new-found interest/love/obsession for Steampunk.

Oh right, I'm sure I haven't mentioned this. I have a relatively "short" attention span when it comes to hobbies/interests. There are some that linger perpetually on the back-burner, but my interests usually have a month/maybe two months' time before they go into rotation. My most current obsession was pirates. Don't get me wrong, there will always be a special place in my heart for pirates, and amazingly enough, my interest as held out for the last few months, which has to be some kind of record for me.

I found out about the NorCal Pirate Fest back in March and became thoroughly excited. I was a pirate at last year's NorCal Pleasure (Ren) Faire, but hadn't realized that there were actual PIRATE FESTIVALS out there. There's actually about a half dozen or more in California alone, but I think it would be super fun to go to Pyrate Con in New Orleans. Apparently there is also a Pyrate Week held by NOLA during the same week, and I'm a bit confused as to what came first, but one of my fave pirate bloggers at http://www.bilgemunky.com seems to impy that Pyrate Con came first. Either way, it would be fun to volunteer and participate in events. I have a friend in Lafayette, so maybe she could give some suggestions as places to stay;etc. Alas that I am a poor college student.

Right, so the original point was that I tend to rotate my current fascinations... my current fascination is "pirates" but it is slowly being overtaken by "steampunk". I'm just finishing a huge novel on the Golden Age of piracy, and after that I have another pirate-related novel to get through, so maybe after that I'll devote some time and reading to steampunk. We'll see if it keeps my fancy.

Hm.. this post got long and rambly in a hurry!

Anyone, the sun finally came out in my neighborhood, so maybe I'll try and ride around a bit before the fog rolls back in. Seriously, it's been blah all morning and now that the afternoon has hit, it decides to be glorious for a little while. Pfft.

Soft Scholars

2009-06-28T10:43:12Z

Just a quick post....

I feel horrified for a wonderful friend of mine. She's taking two super courses in order to finally earn her degree and move on to her adult(ish) life. Unfortunately, she's been slatted with the dreaded group work. I KNOW. SHITTY, RIGHT?! By the way, that wasn't sarcasm, because (unless you've been extremely lucky) we'll all had to deal with a horrible group project. She's stuck with a group of people, one (whom is English speaking as a first language and apparently doesn't have a solid grasp of syntax in writing) and another gem... This second person sent her an email extremely late in the game and fully RIPPED an essay from free-termpapers.com, updated it to coincide with their group paper, and then questioned how she cite it.

Are you serious?

I cannot even comprehend how these people are still in college. I had to work with a horrible group of people last semester; they drove me absolutely bananas, but at least they could actually construct sentences. Strike that. I'm not going to defend that group. I'm just going to continue expressing my awe and dread-filled surprise that those people are actually enrolled in 4-year institutions.

HELLOOOOO!!! Plagiarism anyone? If that person was actually allowed to pass that garbage as her own work and was caught, the entire group would be liable. I would be SO MAD if someone gave me that crap. I would email it right back and say, "Um, no.. see, when we're in COLLEGE, we do our OWN work.

Is that really so hard to understand?

Honestly, people never cease to amaze. There are wonderful, astounding people in the world who are so giving, caring, intelligent, creative, brilliant, kind and hard-working....

Then these lazy asses show up and your fear for humanity flares up all over again. It's like an arthritis. OH GOD THE STUPID PEOPLE HURT SO BAD!! ARRRGGGHH. EXEDRIN. HAND ME THE EXTRA-STRENGTH EXEDRIN.

*coughs*

Right.. so, I just wanted to share my frustration that there are students out there that seem just completely incapable of doing anything for themselves. I mean, really... it's call BULL SHIT. It is so much better to ramble than to turn in something that was obviously stolen from somewhere else and then risk your entire academic career. Not that I'm condoning bull shitting, it's just that, at least with bull shit it's your own work, so if you fail it's just because you were over it rather than getting caught for being a complete idiot. Seriously.

I think I've exhausted the topic. Mostly because I think I've hammered out what I actually needed to say, and also because it is almost four in the morning and I am NEVER up this late. Obviously, the crazy is starting to talk, and that's just no good for anyone.. unless you want to be thoroughly entertained.

Wow.. I'm having to edit my own spelling/grammar a lot. Time for BED. haha.

New LJer, w00t!

2009-06-28T05:09:27Z

Hi all!

I've finally stumbled my way to the LJ. I've fiddled around with it before, but literally only as a journal. My goal is to use LJ as a medium through which to network and meet other geeks on the web. I've decided that geekiness is best let loose among others' geekiness so as to avoid a massive geek buildup. Geekiness in a geek is like lactic acid in muscles: you avoid the buildup by allowing regular exercise.

Horrible analogies aside, I basically needed a place to allow the geek in me to roam free, learn about new things and find folks with similar hobbies to chat and share ideas with. It may work, it may not, but I'm all up for trying it out regardless.

I'm not solely searching for a place to network; I'll be jotting down ideas, daily happenings or random thoughts. It's a free-for-all in terms of the content, but the goal remains the same: I'm trying to find fellow geeks! Drop me a line, comment, whathaveyou. :)